Strangers, privacy, and self-imposed isolation (Source: Geo Davis)
Let’s talk about strangers. Let’s talk about talking with strangers!
Excuse me. Sorry for interrupting.
I’d like to pass along an invigorating reminder from the BBC about the surprising benefits of talking to strangers, yes, even at the risk of breaching privacy protocols.
Most people spend part of every day surrounded by strangers, whether on their daily commute, sitting in a park or cafe, or visiting the supermarket.
Yet many of us remain in self-imposed isolation, believing that reaching out to a stranger would make you both feel uncomfortable. (Source: www.bbc.com)
I genuinely respect and appreciate privacy.
Anyone who has ever lived in a densely populated city learns to honor and uphold the social contract by which human beings manage to live and work in metaphorical beehives without sacrificing their privacy. Pockets of isolation are fundamental, even sacred. And we have learned to respect this, to observe boundaries, to resist the temptation to crowd others even when we’re virtually on top of one another in public transportation, restaurants, etc. We generally assume that imposing upon strangers by breaching the invisible privacy barrier may make them feel uncomfortable. We are wary.
And yet our reserve may be unwarranted even ill advised.
In fact, our research suggests we may often underestimate the positive impact of connecting with others for both our own and others’ wellbeing.
For example, having a conversation with a stranger on your way to work may leave you both feeling happier than you would think. (Source: www.bbc.com)
I admit that I am that guy who talks to strangers. On airplanes. On trains. In line at the movies, on Uber rides to dinner, in restrooms, at the grocery store, and most any other place I find myself shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers who pique my curiosity. And often even when they don’t. Maybe it was my teaching years. Or because, as a writer, I am forever gathering information. Or the fact that I compensate for some level of introversion…
Actually I’m not 100% sure why I habitually speak with strangers, but it does seem to be rooted in my baseline optimism. Connection appeals to me. I suspect that more often than not connectedness is valuable and meaningful and useful and humane and inspiring and joy-making. Not always. But often. More often than not.
Essentially, your personality may shape your expectations more than your experiences do… [And] expectations can become self-fulfilling. If you think that talking to a stranger is likely to be unpleasant, you’ll never try and so never discover that your expectations might be wrong. This can keep us mistakenly isolated and disconnected from others. (Source: www.bbc.com)
Isolated. Disconnected.
There’s a time for both.
But I found in this article a timely (and reassuring) reminder that respecting privacy does not, and should not, preclude talking with strangers. Bridging the divide may sometimes feel uncomfortable, but my own experience reminds me again and again that embracing that necessary risk of discomfort, of speaking with strangers and offering an invitation to step out of isolation, is almost always worth the risk.